even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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