The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
