eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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