Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
