We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
