last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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