we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Let's paint friendship bongs
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
