Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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