trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize