I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have aggressive nipples.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
