2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize