i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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