I hope mine doesn't look like that
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
