just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
