This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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