Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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