Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
