EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
