Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
