how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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