I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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