i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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