We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
