On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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