I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
