I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
