Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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