I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
