We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
