fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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