U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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