Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
