I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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