i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
