maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
