either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
