I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
