First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
