I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize