You're so nebulous sometimes
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
