just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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