seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
