I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize