When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
