Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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