from now on my penis is your penis
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
