WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
