Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize