I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
