And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
