Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
my liver is dry heaving
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
