He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
