how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
