I wish I could teleport
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
