I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
