Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
