Don't you send me to vm
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
