There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
