If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
