we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just want to make out with him forever
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
