mondays should just be called national damage control day
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I deserve to be covered in dicks
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
