why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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