found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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