actually, I'm a sock model
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
