I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
