the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
